Mid-life crisis

I am only 19 and have already reached my mid-life crisis point. Lately i have had a lot of time to think (thats where the problem lies) and obviously my mind wonders.I seem to have had a reality check in my thoughts.
friends...who are they? what are they for ? why do we need them ?
Actually i really dint think i needed friends.I was fine running around the lawns and climbing trees, talking to the cows and hens about my problems.Animals are all i had,my dogs and cats were everything to me.Family ? you would wonder ? They were never there...mother away with sister and father with a 6 to 7 job.I was left to explore the tea-estates of Assam. My maid was my mother.She was always there for me (though we had a slight communication problem). BUT nothing affected me before , i was possibly the happiest soul alive! We moved to Guawahati...a city at last ( NOT ). A school at last where i was not a 'sahab ke beti'.People who were like me from the same economic background and strata. Still no family-even though it was all four of us under the same roof.
small things like my mother telling me that she has no money to buy me something and the next minute magically producing a 500 rupee note to fulfill my sisters demand at the very same moment, never bothered me.
Never the less, having to move again-Bangalore. This time a real city. Yet again sister is allowed to choose wherever she wants to go and study , and i am stuck with family in Bangalore. Middle of 9th grade, not getting admission anywhere-forced to join Air Force School ! The longest 1 and a half year of my life!!! This time not fitting in because i was wealthier, i put lip gloss and kajal and the biggest sin of all , I spoke to boys! Did my mum once wonder how i was doing ? or weather i was fitting in ? what i was going through ? having to wait at least an hour outside school everyday waiting for the driver to come pick me up was worse than going in a small over-filled van with people sweating,puking,spitting,hitting,crying and a lot more.
Very soon i realized that i was into serious relationships because 'HE' was my friend ,family and everything i could ask for.So i was still the happiest person alive!
Now not having a 'him' and having all the time in the world to notice small events in my life pinch me all the time.. i am no more happy. I seem to be getting duller.Life does not excite me, nothing does.I am not even sure of who i really am?I seem to have lost the sense of self ! I have reached a point where i can take no more.

I dont even know how this makes sense... but i felt like writing so i wrote!